The End of A Year-a.

(Get it? Like, "The End of an Era"??? Oh well, I tried.)

Sitting in Barnes & Noble in the Grand Teton Mall in Idaho Falls, Idaho, listening to the CD Bon Iver. Here, take a minute to sample what my ears are currently enjoying :)

("Perth" by Bon Iver)

I know that everyone always says how so much has happened since their last post, and it gets all cliche and what-not, but seriously, SO MUCH has happened since my last post. It has only been 13 days... But I think I mean more of "a lot has happened since the last time I spent time really talking about what has been going on with me."

Anyways. So. School is OUT. But what I great semester I have had :) I managed to maintain a 3.94 GPA (a.k.a. I got only one A-, but I am working on getting that fixed!) and finish the semester strong. Finals were a drag, especially since I was also working a full week, but I put all of my energy into doing well, and I am really proud of myself. That proud-ness really hit me when I found out that because of my grades, I am receiving a full tuition scholarship to BYU Idaho. That is already on top of the quarter tuition scholarship I received for this year, plus the full tuition Pell Grant I received from the Federal Government. I feel so blessed right now.

I have never in my life been so proud of my grades, or myself, for that matter. I don't know why I was given the brain I was given, but I have come to love it so much. Everyday, I find things about myself that I love. What an experience that has been! Over the past 2 years, I went from never saying a good thing about myself, to all of the sudden not having anything bad to say... It has been quite a journey, but I am truly loving life and loving myself. I am grateful for every hard moment I have endured because those moments have shaped me into who I am. No, I am not perfect, and I have a lot of things that I need to work on, but I have never, ever, EVER been so comfortable in my own skin. I don't know why I wasted so many precious years thinking terrible things about myself... Because there are not many feelings that are much sweeter that loving who you are :)

I am currently working at Macy's in the Grand Teton Mall in Idaho Falls, and LOVING it! The hours have been tough lately because of the holidays, but having a job makes me feel like I am really accomplishing things in life. Even though I know I won't be making a career out of Macy's, it really does make my life a little more complete. Maybe because I know how many people in the world right now are suffering because they are not employed... I hear about it all of the time. Part of me feels guilty because I was able to find a job so quickly and be successful in it, while the other part of me feels eternally grateful to be as blessed as I am. This job was only supposed to be a temporary holiday job, but at the last minute, a full-time position opened up and was given to me. As I sit here and count my blessings, my heart swells with joy and gratitude. I get a little choked up (yes, I know I am a cry baby) when I think of all of the directions I could have taken that would have taken me in a completely different direction... I seriously cannot express enough how happy I am to be me, to be where I am, to be who I am, to have the people in my life that I have, to know what I know... I don't know why, but lately, just being ALIVE has brought me so much happiness. The fact that I am alive has never mattered much to me, but dang, what a blessing it is to be alive!!!

With a new job comes new friends... I am so thankful to work with the people I work with :) I have made special new friend who has made an immense impact on my life after only a week... So, we will see where that journey takes me ;)

As I get older, I realize so many new things on a daily basis. For example, the whole "happy to be alive" thing. It's like as you get older, your mental "vision" improves on a daily basis. Or maybe it is just me. But I just feel like my mind is continually expanding, able to take in more information, process new things, see things in a new light, see old things in ways you had never seen then before... Being an adult is difficult sometimes, but I am really loving it :)

The weather in Idaho has been a fun new experience!!!! Repeat after me: "Freeze-off-your-digits, nose-numbing, ear-freezing, car-troubling, roads-freezing, hot-chocolate-needing, blanket-demanding, snot-icicle-ing COOOOOLLLDDDDD!!!!" You truly do not know cold until you have been outside in -13 degree F weather with a -15 degree F windchill... It makes me miss those mild California winters. But, I love it here regardless :) We don't have nearly as much snow now as we should, which I am okay with. Idaho snow is really dry. It makes the road a treacherous disaster! I have never slid through so many intersections in my life!!! Thank goodness they have all been empty side streets... :) I think a trip to the hot springs in in serious order :)

This Christmas season is rather bitter-sweet for me. As I count those blessings I have been talking about, I realize that I am missing a huge blessing... My family. I can not go home for the holidays due to lack of money and having to work. This is the first time I have not spent any Christmas time with my mom and dad, and man, it is not fun :( Especially when I am at work hearing about all of the things people are doing for Christmas with their families... But I know that I will see them again, and I know that I have their love and support in my life. So for that, I am grateful :) I also have a wonderful family that I am staying with for the Christmas break, and I get to spend Christmas with that friend that I enjoy so much :) No matter what, it will be a good day.

This time of year is so full of life and love. Yes, there are many people in the world who do not have it as good as I do, and I am reminded of that almost daily when people tell me how they cannot afford to buy presents for their families or even pay for the necessities in life. Part of me also has such a hard time with what "Christmas" has become. To me Christmas is about being with family and the people I love, and appreciating those I cannot be with. It is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, without whom, life would not be as it is. It is about being grateful for what I have. The commercial Christmas that has been built in American Society often disgusts me... But I try my hardest not to pass judgement. Life is what it is; I can only do what I can to make my life as good as possible, not dwell on the lives of the people around me.

I probably won't post much after today, so I wanted to talk just a little bit about this year that has come and gone. My mom always told me how quickly life seems to pass you by as you get older... I see the truth in her words every year that goes by. Because of the increasing speed that life seems to take on, I try to "grab life by the horns". I really do appreciate every single moment, ever breath, every hurt, every smile, every tear, every laugh... I want to look back on this time of my life with a fond heart. I want to be proud of what I was doing and what I accomplished. This year has helped to shape and solidify me in more ways than I thought possible. As I reflect, I am overwhelmed with emotions. I read an interesting article that I would like to share. It made me really think about life in a new sense. Maybe that is where this new found sense of loving life has come from?

Read it here :)

I'm in a "deep" mood today. Hence, the novel of a post haha. And, if you know me at all, you know that I like to talk. So, I apologize for the lengthiness, but I also hope you have enjoyed tapping into my brain a little bit :) And I hope it made sense. Often times, I can't even figure myself out!

I hope you have a blessed and merry Christmas. Take advantage of every moment of every day. Each moment is precious in itself.

Ho, ho, ho :)

Expectations (a.k.a. Disapointment).

I'm tired of being disappointed by those around me. It seems like every time I turn around, another lie is being told, another "half-truth" is being said, another twist of the knife...

I hate that I always seem to find out the things I really didn't want to know. I wish I could live in an idealized world where every expectation I had of those around me was always lived up to; a world where no one ever disappointed anyone else. THAT would be such an amazing place to live in.

My heart feels pretty torn right now. Thankfully, I have people in my life to help me, even if those people who do the most healing are the most unexpected... I am so grateful for the people in my life who do not disappoint me. You know who you are :)

I guess I should stop venting and start cramming for finals... Honestly, all I want to do is snuggle into bed, hug my pillow, and listen to my music as the days pass me by.

Rules (Ugh): Why Do We Have Them??? (Mormons vs. Skinny Jeans)

Being a student at BYU Idaho, I have been alerted recently to the skinny jean scandal. In case you have no idea what I am talking about, there has been some rumored controversy concerning the "banning" if skinny jeans on the BYU-I campus. To read an article about the controversy (and a very biased one, at that), click here. Keep in mind, the article you will be reading is a website in the United Kingdom... Like, in-a-whole-nother-part-of-the-world United Kingdom... To read another artcile from Deseret News (the official church news), click herrrreeee.


This, my friends, is a perfect example of how quickly rumors fly.


The point of my post is to address RULES. BYU-I is infamous for having a very strict set of rules and standards that exceed even those already-strict rules and standards set by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Why do we have rules? I mean, anyone knows that it is not a sin to wear flip-flops, or shorts, or for men to have a beard.


It seems like every day, I hear someone complaining about the rules. My response? "Well, we all chose to be here, so if you don't like it, leave!" (Irritated face).


During my Book of Mormon class the other day, I came across a scripture that stood out to me more than usual. "Now they did not suppose that ^asalvation came by the ^blaw of Moses; but the law of Moses did serve to strengthen their faith in Christ; and thus they did retain a ^chope through faith, unto eternal salvation, relying upon the spirit of prophecy, which spake of those things to come" (Alma 25: 16). 


If I may, let me explain a little bit about The Law of Moses as I understand it. Wikipedia defines The Law of Moses as "a term first found in Joshua 8:31-32 where Joshua writes the words of 'The Law of Moses' on the altar at Mount Ebal." They are a set of ancient rules, codes, and regulations given to the people in ancient times through direct revelation from God. The people were expected to follow the Law of Moses in order to show that they were obedient in all the ways God asked them to be. The Law of Moses is split into 3 "codes", beginning with the Ten Commandments (found in Exodus 20:1-17). The second code contained The Ordinances, or the spiritual code. This "included a complete Christology (doctrine of Christ), and was designed to present Christ as the only Savior." The third code contained The Judgements, or the social code. It outlined "the divine laws of establishment applied to social living... [Regards to] diet, sanitation, quarantine, soil conservation, taxation, military service, how to spend a honeymoon, what to do about divorce, slavery, inheritances, and more, were all [defined]." 


The guidelines included in The Judgements were very extreme, as you might be able to infer. I mean, who can tell you how to spend your honeymoon??? There is even one section that directs that a man can not touch a woman who is menstruating... Now, if you are anything like me, you might see these guidelines as "strict" or "insane" or "a little wacky". However we may feel about them, they were laws established by the Lord. Because of this, the people lived by The Law of Moses and were greatly blessed. They showed their dedication to their Heavenly Father by following the guidelines He set for them.


So, how does this apply to rules here at BYU-I? Let me first show you what happens when I change a few words from Alma 25:16... "Now they did not suppose that ^asalvation came by the [Rules at BYU Idaho]; but the [Rules of BYU Idaho] did serve to strengthen their faith in Christ; and thus they did retain a ^chope through faith, unto eternal salvation, relying upon the spirit of prophecy, which spake of those things to come" (Alma 25;16; brackets edited from original text).


I hope you can see my point it all of this. The rules here at BYU-I and all of the rules of the Church are given to us by direct revelation from Heavenly Father. He loves us, and He knows what is best for us. When we follow His rules, no matter how strange we may feel they are or no matter how much society ridicules us for following those rules, our faith in Him will be strengthened, and we will be taken care of. These rules will ensure that we will be more easily able to have the Spirit with us (and especially on this campus). People will mock us for our beliefs (just as I was mocked the other day for not drinking coffee because "Well, it isn't in the Bible!"), but we must stand up for them and live by example because Heavenly Father has asked us to. Our lives should be about following His will, not doing whatever we want. 


So, if BYU-I really does ban skinny jeans, I will follow the rule because I know that Heavenly Father will bless me for my willingness to be obedient. 


BYU-I has an amazing, unique, spiritual feeling to it that other schools, even BYU Provo, do not have. I would never want to loose this feeling. Yes, our rules make us different, but if we have the right attitude, following these rules can make us "different" in the best way possible. 

Life Can Be Hard.

Like, really, really, REALLY hard. 

However, I am alive. I have a job! I have a roof over my head. I am able to go to an amazing university. I have a loving mom and dad that help me soooo much. I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that Heavenly Father loves and cares about me. I have a Savior to turn to whenever I need help. I have the scriptures that allow me to receive the guidance and comfort I need. I have the ability to have the Holy Ghost with me, to lead me and help me whenever I need it. I have friends that are beyond amazing.

I have so much to be thankful for. Many more things than I have listed here. 

So, on this Sunday, as I sit and ponder life, these scriptures continue to come to my mind... They are out of The Doctrine and Covenants, a set of scriptures used by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Written by Joseph Smith, received through revelation, I know that the words contained in these scriptures are truth.

 "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands." (Doctrine & Covenants 121:7-9)

No matter what happens to us in this life, it makes up only a small moment of our existence in an eternal perspective.

I also stumbled across this picture...

 When Heavenly Father closes a door, He always opens a window.

I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the church of God. I know that the Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price are all inspired works of God. I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet. I know that Jesus Christ atoned for the sins of the world, and that through the process of repentance, anyone can be forgiven of their sins. I know that the temple is a house of the Lord. I know that through sacred covenants made in the temple, families can be together forever. I know that Heavenly Father established a Plan of Happiness that if followed, can lead to eternal life and eternal happiness. This church and it's truths have changed my life. I am eternally grateful.

I say these things, humbly, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.