...My mind may just explode here shortly. I seriously don't remember the last time I had sooooo many things to think about! Not to mention, I am the kind of person who absolutely can not shut off her brain!!! Cool the engines, boys!!! This train is about to DE-RAIL.
School started on Tuesday. "Shoooool" = STRESS. I understand that some day, all of the homework and the countless hours spent in school will benefit me more than I know, but holey smokes is it stressful while you are in the middle of it all!!! Chem 101, Calculus, Anatomy & Physiology II, and Book of Mormon now consume my every day. Literally. Every. Single. DAY. I know that I shouldn't complain, because I am so grateful to be in school right now and to be getting such a wonderful education. I also know that if I was not in school, I would be complaining about how ridiculously bored I am... Seems like there is no pleasing me.
My classes are really great so far. I am totally looking forward to making new friends this semester!! J Not to mention, my favorite part of the semester so far... I have a bright pink backpack!!! This is the first backpack I have used since I was in 8th grade, and for some reason, it is totally exciting to me. How can I feel so dissatisfied with things when a silly pink backpack makes me so happy????
Well, me and my pink backpack snagged a job on campus Thursday!!! And what a blessing it has been. I was SO horribly worried with how I was going to maintain a job at Macy's only working 4 hours a week and still pay for the things I need to pay for. I know that this job was an answer to my pleas for help to Heavenly Father. So, I am the new Anatomy & Physiology tutor at BYU-I!!! I am so excited for this job, it is crazy. I love Anat & Phys with a fiery passion, and I am so excited to help people learn!!!
Also, just as I did last semester, I will be teaching cycling twice a week on campus. Boy, am I ready to get back on that bike and teach! I have had none, zero, zilch, nada, NO motivation to work out since classes ended in March... Needless to say, I have been to the gym twice since then... I miss it so much.
Wellllllll, I think I need to get out of my apartment and enjoy this beautiful day we are being blessed with!! Now that I am all ranted out :P (Actually, I could totally rant more, but I am getting tired of reading myself complaining).
Toodles J
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Words That The Heart Can't Express.
"Tears are words that the heart can't express."
Story of my life.
School (a.k.a. "shhh-oool") is upon us here at BYU-I, and I have to say, it could not have come at a better time. These next few weeks will be a time of transition, to say the least.
I am seriously contemplating taking a trip to Italy this summer. Or somewhere in Europe. I want to get away so badly... Anybody want to join me? J I have wanted to go to Italy for so long now... And it seems like something I could legitimately do. It would cause me severe financial strain, but I feel like it would be worth it a million times over. So... We will see.
I would love to pack everything I own into a backpack, buy a one-way ticket to Europe, and just GO. Too bad I have a life I have to live. Psh.
I really need to write more. I have gotten into the habit of just bottling up my emotions instead of finding a way to express them... Then, explosion moment occurs, and I find myself a total wreck. I found some great quotes on Pinterest today. One of them really stuck out to me. "People cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long." I really clung to this, because I am definitely a crier. I feel like it is one of the healthiest ways to express any emotion, so I definitely take advantage of it. Crying to me is a sign of strength, not weakness. When you cry, you say "Hey world! Yeah, I am crying, and I am proud to do so, because I am able to accept the fact that life is challenging right now. With each tear that falls, I gain a small drop of strength to pick myself up and move on. You can laugh and mock and do whatever you want, but this broken heart has cried more tears than you could ever imagine, and look how strong those tears have made me!" Which reminds me of yet another quote... "Never be afraid to fall apart, because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along."
Our trials truly do shape us in ways we often don't realize we need shaping. Though it is hard, when trails come, I try my hardest to figure out what positive lesson I can take from the experience. Every cloud has a silver lining, right??
I swear I could type all night. My fingers have a lot to say tonight... Unfortunately, I can not do such a thing. bed calls me. Though, I almost don't want to sleep. Last night was a tossy-turny night full of nightmares. Hopefully, tonight will be better.
Good night world. J I love you!!!
Story of my life.
School (a.k.a. "shhh-oool") is upon us here at BYU-I, and I have to say, it could not have come at a better time. These next few weeks will be a time of transition, to say the least.
I am seriously contemplating taking a trip to Italy this summer. Or somewhere in Europe. I want to get away so badly... Anybody want to join me? J I have wanted to go to Italy for so long now... And it seems like something I could legitimately do. It would cause me severe financial strain, but I feel like it would be worth it a million times over. So... We will see.
I would love to pack everything I own into a backpack, buy a one-way ticket to Europe, and just GO. Too bad I have a life I have to live. Psh.
I really need to write more. I have gotten into the habit of just bottling up my emotions instead of finding a way to express them... Then, explosion moment occurs, and I find myself a total wreck. I found some great quotes on Pinterest today. One of them really stuck out to me. "People cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long." I really clung to this, because I am definitely a crier. I feel like it is one of the healthiest ways to express any emotion, so I definitely take advantage of it. Crying to me is a sign of strength, not weakness. When you cry, you say "Hey world! Yeah, I am crying, and I am proud to do so, because I am able to accept the fact that life is challenging right now. With each tear that falls, I gain a small drop of strength to pick myself up and move on. You can laugh and mock and do whatever you want, but this broken heart has cried more tears than you could ever imagine, and look how strong those tears have made me!" Which reminds me of yet another quote... "Never be afraid to fall apart, because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along."
Our trials truly do shape us in ways we often don't realize we need shaping. Though it is hard, when trails come, I try my hardest to figure out what positive lesson I can take from the experience. Every cloud has a silver lining, right??
I swear I could type all night. My fingers have a lot to say tonight... Unfortunately, I can not do such a thing. bed calls me. Though, I almost don't want to sleep. Last night was a tossy-turny night full of nightmares. Hopefully, tonight will be better.
Good night world. J I love you!!!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
A “Ben & Jerry’s” Kind Of Day…
Yes, that is right. I am currently indulging in Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream and listening to 21 by Adele. Apparently, 1200 calories, 80 grams of fat, and some depressing lovey-dovey music is all I need today. It has just been one of those days… The kind where you absolutely cannot turn off your brain. Which is probably why I am blogging, since it has been almost 2 months since my last post. What better way to vent than to write???? If you can think of anything else (ice cream and music aside) that works, please, let me know. J
Of all the songs on this CD that touches me the most, I think this song takes the cake. I feel like I totally could have written this song at so many points in my life. Including now. Adele has to be one of my favorite artists. I can feel her love for music through her powerful lyrics and melodies... She is incredible. I wish I could share my life with the world as she has done and continues to do. Me, however, I am stuck just blogging out my feelings. That is not to say that I don't enjoy writing, because I really do. I just wish that I could help people in the way I feel that she does... I don't know. Maybe I do???
Anyways. Life. What a handful it is right now. I really want to vent about what is weighing so heavily on my mind, but honestly, it worries me to talk about it. I am afraid that talking to the world about it will just make it that much more real... And then it will hurt even more. L (HEADS UP: If you really don't want to hear someone complain, then mayyyybe you should find another blog haha.)
I have gained a testimony of something lately that I didn't think I needed to gain a testimony of... Silly me, thinking that I knew everything! I have learned that Heavenly Father puts certain people in our lives to give us HOPE. They may never know of the hope they give us, but we certainly know it, and we know that we will never forget them. Never ever. Even if that person is in our lives for a very limited time, it is an experience we will never forget or want to forget. I have had this happen to me multiple times in my life, but only today did I realize how greatly it impacts my perspective on life. When someone comes into your life and rekindles a fire you didn't know had died, lifts your spirits when you didn't know they were sinking, refreshes your every day when you didn't know that they were cloudy, your life is changed... Guhh, here come the tears. It seems to me that the best lessons I have ever learned have been the ones in which tears have accompanied me along the way.
I can hardly quiet my brain long enough to collect my thoughts and write. I think I need a nap.
Well, it is a short post, but it is still a post nonetheless.
If you are reading this, smile. J Though my heart is a little achey, I am still smiling, because it always feels so good. A smile can brighten someone's day!!!! And the thought of that, in turn, brightens my day.
Happy Sunday!! Remember, the Lord loves you. A whooooooole lot.
J
Saturday, February 18, 2012
The Big Two-Zero.
Yes, yes, you heard it right. I am now officially 20 years of age! Well, actually, 20 years, 1 day, 11 hours, and 16 minutes... But who is counting?? :)
I have never in my life felt any different on a birthday. And even though it was just another normal day in the life of Alicia, I legitimately felt different. I can't pinpoint exactly what the difference was, but it was definitely there. I guess maybe it finally hit me that I am growing up. Life is coming at me fast, and I am not entirely sure I am ready for it.
Overall, February 17, 2012 was a pretty uneventful day. My wonderful roommate Courtney bought me a card and a YUMMY cupcake, I talked to my mom for a little while, went and saw "The Vow" (I will elaborate on that later), and then did absolutely nothing. Not to whine or anything, but all I could think about all day was how badly I wanted to be back home in California.... I am starting to feel trapped/confined/restricted to Idaho. I love it here, don't get me wrong, but I think I have realized that I am the type of person who thoroughly enjoys lots and lots of change. I love new experiences, and I am in dire need of one. Soon. Sadly, I am broke, broke, broke, and I can not afford to do the things I want to do to get me out of Idaho... I am about ready to quit my job, spend all of my money on a one-way ticket to somewhere in Europe, and fly away on an adventure... Oh, sweet sweet imagination. I wish I could make you real.
"The Vow" was an interesting movie. I realized that yes, Channing Tatum has a FAN-tastic body, but dang, he has some snaggly teeth. Basically, I just wanted to burst into tears during the whole movie (which I only did 4 times...) because I was just so emotionally frustrated!! I mean, heck, there I sat, a single, 20 year-old, watching a sappy chick flick (with 2 other single girls) where this dumb broad is turning away a man who is fighting endlessly for her love, and I can't even hardly get a date!!! (Sorry, I very clearly need to rant). So, ultimately, I cried a lot throughout the movie, partly out of frustration for poor Leo (Channing's character), and the rest of the time I was crying because I was just feeling downright pathetic. Woohoo, happy birthday to me!
I bought myself some conditioner and a set of fake nails, both of which I love :)
Valentine's Day was just as uneventful. I had a great day at work, came home, taught my spin class, and went to sleep. Being single in Rexburg on Valentine's Day is disheartening, so I tried my hardest to pretend it was just another day. I mean, really, it IS just another day. The calendar and society just happen to have convinced us that it is the only day of the year that we are allowed to show our love and affection for those we care about. A quick note to all of you guys out there: that special lady in your life would WAY rather get a special gift on a random day than on Valentine's Day. Something that says, "I give you this random _________ because I love you and I just wanted you to know!" is much better than, "Here, have some chocolates and flowers because society told me so."
It just started snowing! Joy :) Despite how cold and wet the snow is, there is something peaceful about it's falling. A peace my soul is desperately craving. Along with the music I am listening to right now... Well, just listen to this and picture the falling snow :) Makes me wish I had some hot chocolate and someone to snuggle up to. I think I will go make myself some hot chocolate... At least I can satisfy that desire!!!
Work is going well. I now have 2 babies that I babysit, with a third opening up soon. Paige and William are both 5 months old. They were born a day apart! And my goodness, they are sooooo cute :) Their moms are so awesome as well! That extra money feeds my Starbucks addiction... I am addicted to Salted Caramel Hot Chocolates :) They are soooooooooo gooooooooood!!!
I apologize if this post seems a little on the negative side. I have been in a funk lately. Not exactly sure how to pull myself out of it either. I mean, I am still happy, I just feel like something major is missing in my life. Not to mention I am stressed out beyond belief... "My [daughter], peace be unto thy soul. Thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." I keep reminding myself that no matter how down in the dumps I may feel right now, this storm will pass. I have so much to be happy and grateful for. I am blessed beyond words on a daily basis. I guess sometimes it is just hard to allow the good things to outshine the not-so-good things. I have a bad case of "The Grass Is Always Greener" right now. But hey, things generally can only get better when you are feeling at your worst, right? So, therein lies my light at the end of the tunnel :) Life is what you make it, so I am trying to be my regular self and make it fantastic!!! It is just... getting harder :/
Well, I don't know how many people will ever actually read this, but hopefully I didn't bring you down if you are reading this. I need to end with something happy...
"...please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise."
(For the rest of this talk, click here.)
Have a happy day, everyone!!
Love and hugs :)
I have never in my life felt any different on a birthday. And even though it was just another normal day in the life of Alicia, I legitimately felt different. I can't pinpoint exactly what the difference was, but it was definitely there. I guess maybe it finally hit me that I am growing up. Life is coming at me fast, and I am not entirely sure I am ready for it.
Overall, February 17, 2012 was a pretty uneventful day. My wonderful roommate Courtney bought me a card and a YUMMY cupcake, I talked to my mom for a little while, went and saw "The Vow" (I will elaborate on that later), and then did absolutely nothing. Not to whine or anything, but all I could think about all day was how badly I wanted to be back home in California.... I am starting to feel trapped/confined/restricted to Idaho. I love it here, don't get me wrong, but I think I have realized that I am the type of person who thoroughly enjoys lots and lots of change. I love new experiences, and I am in dire need of one. Soon. Sadly, I am broke, broke, broke, and I can not afford to do the things I want to do to get me out of Idaho... I am about ready to quit my job, spend all of my money on a one-way ticket to somewhere in Europe, and fly away on an adventure... Oh, sweet sweet imagination. I wish I could make you real.
"The Vow" was an interesting movie. I realized that yes, Channing Tatum has a FAN-tastic body, but dang, he has some snaggly teeth. Basically, I just wanted to burst into tears during the whole movie (which I only did 4 times...) because I was just so emotionally frustrated!! I mean, heck, there I sat, a single, 20 year-old, watching a sappy chick flick (with 2 other single girls) where this dumb broad is turning away a man who is fighting endlessly for her love, and I can't even hardly get a date!!! (Sorry, I very clearly need to rant). So, ultimately, I cried a lot throughout the movie, partly out of frustration for poor Leo (Channing's character), and the rest of the time I was crying because I was just feeling downright pathetic. Woohoo, happy birthday to me!
I bought myself some conditioner and a set of fake nails, both of which I love :)
Valentine's Day was just as uneventful. I had a great day at work, came home, taught my spin class, and went to sleep. Being single in Rexburg on Valentine's Day is disheartening, so I tried my hardest to pretend it was just another day. I mean, really, it IS just another day. The calendar and society just happen to have convinced us that it is the only day of the year that we are allowed to show our love and affection for those we care about. A quick note to all of you guys out there: that special lady in your life would WAY rather get a special gift on a random day than on Valentine's Day. Something that says, "I give you this random _________ because I love you and I just wanted you to know!" is much better than, "Here, have some chocolates and flowers because society told me so."
It just started snowing! Joy :) Despite how cold and wet the snow is, there is something peaceful about it's falling. A peace my soul is desperately craving. Along with the music I am listening to right now... Well, just listen to this and picture the falling snow :) Makes me wish I had some hot chocolate and someone to snuggle up to. I think I will go make myself some hot chocolate... At least I can satisfy that desire!!!
Work is going well. I now have 2 babies that I babysit, with a third opening up soon. Paige and William are both 5 months old. They were born a day apart! And my goodness, they are sooooo cute :) Their moms are so awesome as well! That extra money feeds my Starbucks addiction... I am addicted to Salted Caramel Hot Chocolates :) They are soooooooooo gooooooooood!!!
I apologize if this post seems a little on the negative side. I have been in a funk lately. Not exactly sure how to pull myself out of it either. I mean, I am still happy, I just feel like something major is missing in my life. Not to mention I am stressed out beyond belief... "My [daughter], peace be unto thy soul. Thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." I keep reminding myself that no matter how down in the dumps I may feel right now, this storm will pass. I have so much to be happy and grateful for. I am blessed beyond words on a daily basis. I guess sometimes it is just hard to allow the good things to outshine the not-so-good things. I have a bad case of "The Grass Is Always Greener" right now. But hey, things generally can only get better when you are feeling at your worst, right? So, therein lies my light at the end of the tunnel :) Life is what you make it, so I am trying to be my regular self and make it fantastic!!! It is just... getting harder :/
Well, I don't know how many people will ever actually read this, but hopefully I didn't bring you down if you are reading this. I need to end with something happy...
"...please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise."
(For the rest of this talk, click here.)
Have a happy day, everyone!!
Love and hugs :)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Fantastic!!!
FANTASTIC!!! That has been my response lately when people have asked me how I am doing... Because, honestly, life is totally fantastic!!! Yessir, I love life :)
Obviously, you may have noticed that blogging has not been high on my priorities list. It seems like I have tons of time on my hands, yet I never manage to find time to get on here and time. I always say I will try harder, but I never seem to get any better at it... So you will just have to be patient for my new posts! I promise that I will try to make them worth the wait :P
So, my life lately has consisted of work and boredom. I have had a few moments of entertainment, but honestly, being off-track (out of school for 4 months) is booooooring. I almost wish I would have just gotten onto fast track and done another semester. But oh well. So here I sit, with nothing to do except think about all of the things I wish I could be doing. Not a huge list, but a definite list of things I would rather be doing than sitting in my room, listening to music, typing (which pretty much means talking to myself).
Today was a wonderful Sunday :) It was my first chance since the last week of November to go to church. I have missed it soooooo much, but my work has scheduled me to work every Sunday since I started there. Thankfully, I am being given Sundays off now! It was a tough sacrifice, but I know that Heavenly Father understood that I needed to work in order to stay here in Idaho. My apartment was put into a different ward, so today was a day filled with new people! I love meeting new people :) I know that this semester will be a fantastic one!!!!
My newest accomplishment of late is the fact that I am now a spinning (cycling) instructor at the BYU-I fitness center!!!!! I have never been so excited to work out!!! :) Thinking back on my past, I never would have thought that I would be as healthy as I am now, let alone teaching a fitness class. I love being active and living a healthy lifestyle :) I hope that through teaching this class, I can help to change someone's life for the better. The more I have studied the human body, the more I am fascinated with this amazing creation that my spirit is living in and the more I am compelled to treat my body with love and respect. Our bodies are AMAZING creations and gifts from Heavenly Father. Your body is a temple... Do not take it for granted!!!! Take it to my spin class instead ;)
I want to share with you all my testimony of the love of God. On January 24th, I will have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for a year and a half!!! Woohoo :) I love sharing my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ with everyone I meet, whether it be by my words or simply by the way I live my life. I want to edify my Savior and Heavenly Father in all that I do. I love them both so much, and I am so grateful for their influence in my life. I am so grateful to be a member of the LDS church. Being baptized was the best thing I ever could have done. I have never been so happy!!! Thinking back to the person I was before I joined the church versus the person I am now, I am astonished by the changes that have taken place within me. The power of Christ and the gospel have changed me through and through. I love who I am and who I continue to become as each day passes. I love The Book of Mormon with all of my heart. I know that the words contained within it are the words of the Lord, and I know that they truly are another testimony of Jesus Christ and his ministry on this earth. I am thankful for Joseph Smith and his work that brought about the restoration of the true church on this earth today. I never thought that I would believe the things I believe now, but the Holy Ghost has testified of their truth to me time and time again. If you take the time to truly investigate the truth of The Book of Mormon with and open heart and a contrite spirit, the Spirit of the Lord will testify of its truth, as it did with me. I know that President Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of the Lord and that he holds all of the keys of the priesthood. I know that temples are houses of the Lord. I know that through temple ordinances, families can be sealed together for time and all eternity. I love this Gospel soooooo incredibly much. I love my Heavenly Father, my savior Jesus Christ, and YOU. Yes, I love you, no matter who you may be. I love you as my brother or sister, as a child of God. We are all children of God. He loves you more than you can comprehend. I promise you that as you truly work and desire to become close to Him, you will find happiness you never knew existed. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
I hope you have a wonderful period of time before my next post!!!
Love and hugs :)
Obviously, you may have noticed that blogging has not been high on my priorities list. It seems like I have tons of time on my hands, yet I never manage to find time to get on here and time. I always say I will try harder, but I never seem to get any better at it... So you will just have to be patient for my new posts! I promise that I will try to make them worth the wait :P
So, my life lately has consisted of work and boredom. I have had a few moments of entertainment, but honestly, being off-track (out of school for 4 months) is booooooring. I almost wish I would have just gotten onto fast track and done another semester. But oh well. So here I sit, with nothing to do except think about all of the things I wish I could be doing. Not a huge list, but a definite list of things I would rather be doing than sitting in my room, listening to music, typing (which pretty much means talking to myself).
Today was a wonderful Sunday :) It was my first chance since the last week of November to go to church. I have missed it soooooo much, but my work has scheduled me to work every Sunday since I started there. Thankfully, I am being given Sundays off now! It was a tough sacrifice, but I know that Heavenly Father understood that I needed to work in order to stay here in Idaho. My apartment was put into a different ward, so today was a day filled with new people! I love meeting new people :) I know that this semester will be a fantastic one!!!!
My newest accomplishment of late is the fact that I am now a spinning (cycling) instructor at the BYU-I fitness center!!!!! I have never been so excited to work out!!! :) Thinking back on my past, I never would have thought that I would be as healthy as I am now, let alone teaching a fitness class. I love being active and living a healthy lifestyle :) I hope that through teaching this class, I can help to change someone's life for the better. The more I have studied the human body, the more I am fascinated with this amazing creation that my spirit is living in and the more I am compelled to treat my body with love and respect. Our bodies are AMAZING creations and gifts from Heavenly Father. Your body is a temple... Do not take it for granted!!!! Take it to my spin class instead ;)
I want to share with you all my testimony of the love of God. On January 24th, I will have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for a year and a half!!! Woohoo :) I love sharing my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ with everyone I meet, whether it be by my words or simply by the way I live my life. I want to edify my Savior and Heavenly Father in all that I do. I love them both so much, and I am so grateful for their influence in my life. I am so grateful to be a member of the LDS church. Being baptized was the best thing I ever could have done. I have never been so happy!!! Thinking back to the person I was before I joined the church versus the person I am now, I am astonished by the changes that have taken place within me. The power of Christ and the gospel have changed me through and through. I love who I am and who I continue to become as each day passes. I love The Book of Mormon with all of my heart. I know that the words contained within it are the words of the Lord, and I know that they truly are another testimony of Jesus Christ and his ministry on this earth. I am thankful for Joseph Smith and his work that brought about the restoration of the true church on this earth today. I never thought that I would believe the things I believe now, but the Holy Ghost has testified of their truth to me time and time again. If you take the time to truly investigate the truth of The Book of Mormon with and open heart and a contrite spirit, the Spirit of the Lord will testify of its truth, as it did with me. I know that President Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of the Lord and that he holds all of the keys of the priesthood. I know that temples are houses of the Lord. I know that through temple ordinances, families can be sealed together for time and all eternity. I love this Gospel soooooo incredibly much. I love my Heavenly Father, my savior Jesus Christ, and YOU. Yes, I love you, no matter who you may be. I love you as my brother or sister, as a child of God. We are all children of God. He loves you more than you can comprehend. I promise you that as you truly work and desire to become close to Him, you will find happiness you never knew existed. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
I hope you have a wonderful period of time before my next post!!!
Love and hugs :)
Friday, December 23, 2011
The End of A Year-a.
(Get it? Like, "The End of an Era"??? Oh well, I tried.)
Sitting in Barnes & Noble in the Grand Teton Mall in Idaho Falls, Idaho, listening to the CD Bon Iver. Here, take a minute to sample what my ears are currently enjoying :)
("Perth" by Bon Iver)
I know that everyone always says how so much has happened since their last post, and it gets all cliche and what-not, but seriously, SO MUCH has happened since my last post. It has only been 13 days... But I think I mean more of "a lot has happened since the last time I spent time really talking about what has been going on with me."
Anyways. So. School is OUT. But what I great semester I have had :) I managed to maintain a 3.94 GPA (a.k.a. I got only one A-, but I am working on getting that fixed!) and finish the semester strong. Finals were a drag, especially since I was also working a full week, but I put all of my energy into doing well, and I am really proud of myself. That proud-ness really hit me when I found out that because of my grades, I am receiving a full tuition scholarship to BYU Idaho. That is already on top of the quarter tuition scholarship I received for this year, plus the full tuition Pell Grant I received from the Federal Government. I feel so blessed right now.
I have never in my life been so proud of my grades, or myself, for that matter. I don't know why I was given the brain I was given, but I have come to love it so much. Everyday, I find things about myself that I love. What an experience that has been! Over the past 2 years, I went from never saying a good thing about myself, to all of the sudden not having anything bad to say... It has been quite a journey, but I am truly loving life and loving myself. I am grateful for every hard moment I have endured because those moments have shaped me into who I am. No, I am not perfect, and I have a lot of things that I need to work on, but I have never, ever, EVER been so comfortable in my own skin. I don't know why I wasted so many precious years thinking terrible things about myself... Because there are not many feelings that are much sweeter that loving who you are :)
I am currently working at Macy's in the Grand Teton Mall in Idaho Falls, and LOVING it! The hours have been tough lately because of the holidays, but having a job makes me feel like I am really accomplishing things in life. Even though I know I won't be making a career out of Macy's, it really does make my life a little more complete. Maybe because I know how many people in the world right now are suffering because they are not employed... I hear about it all of the time. Part of me feels guilty because I was able to find a job so quickly and be successful in it, while the other part of me feels eternally grateful to be as blessed as I am. This job was only supposed to be a temporary holiday job, but at the last minute, a full-time position opened up and was given to me. As I sit here and count my blessings, my heart swells with joy and gratitude. I get a little choked up (yes, I know I am a cry baby) when I think of all of the directions I could have taken that would have taken me in a completely different direction... I seriously cannot express enough how happy I am to be me, to be where I am, to be who I am, to have the people in my life that I have, to know what I know... I don't know why, but lately, just being ALIVE has brought me so much happiness. The fact that I am alive has never mattered much to me, but dang, what a blessing it is to be alive!!!
With a new job comes new friends... I am so thankful to work with the people I work with :) I have made special new friend who has made an immense impact on my life after only a week... So, we will see where that journey takes me ;)
As I get older, I realize so many new things on a daily basis. For example, the whole "happy to be alive" thing. It's like as you get older, your mental "vision" improves on a daily basis. Or maybe it is just me. But I just feel like my mind is continually expanding, able to take in more information, process new things, see things in a new light, see old things in ways you had never seen then before... Being an adult is difficult sometimes, but I am really loving it :)
The weather in Idaho has been a fun new experience!!!! Repeat after me: "Freeze-off-your-digits, nose-numbing, ear-freezing, car-troubling, roads-freezing, hot-chocolate-needing, blanket-demanding, snot-icicle-ing COOOOOLLLDDDDD!!!!" You truly do not know cold until you have been outside in -13 degree F weather with a -15 degree F windchill... It makes me miss those mild California winters. But, I love it here regardless :) We don't have nearly as much snow now as we should, which I am okay with. Idaho snow is really dry. It makes the road a treacherous disaster! I have never slid through so many intersections in my life!!! Thank goodness they have all been empty side streets... :) I think a trip to the hot springs in in serious order :)
This Christmas season is rather bitter-sweet for me. As I count those blessings I have been talking about, I realize that I am missing a huge blessing... My family. I can not go home for the holidays due to lack of money and having to work. This is the first time I have not spent any Christmas time with my mom and dad, and man, it is not fun :( Especially when I am at work hearing about all of the things people are doing for Christmas with their families... But I know that I will see them again, and I know that I have their love and support in my life. So for that, I am grateful :) I also have a wonderful family that I am staying with for the Christmas break, and I get to spend Christmas with that friend that I enjoy so much :) No matter what, it will be a good day.
This time of year is so full of life and love. Yes, there are many people in the world who do not have it as good as I do, and I am reminded of that almost daily when people tell me how they cannot afford to buy presents for their families or even pay for the necessities in life. Part of me also has such a hard time with what "Christmas" has become. To me Christmas is about being with family and the people I love, and appreciating those I cannot be with. It is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, without whom, life would not be as it is. It is about being grateful for what I have. The commercial Christmas that has been built in American Society often disgusts me... But I try my hardest not to pass judgement. Life is what it is; I can only do what I can to make my life as good as possible, not dwell on the lives of the people around me.
I probably won't post much after today, so I wanted to talk just a little bit about this year that has come and gone. My mom always told me how quickly life seems to pass you by as you get older... I see the truth in her words every year that goes by. Because of the increasing speed that life seems to take on, I try to "grab life by the horns". I really do appreciate every single moment, ever breath, every hurt, every smile, every tear, every laugh... I want to look back on this time of my life with a fond heart. I want to be proud of what I was doing and what I accomplished. This year has helped to shape and solidify me in more ways than I thought possible. As I reflect, I am overwhelmed with emotions. I read an interesting article that I would like to share. It made me really think about life in a new sense. Maybe that is where this new found sense of loving life has come from?
Read it here :)
I'm in a "deep" mood today. Hence, the novel of a post haha. And, if you know me at all, you know that I like to talk. So, I apologize for the lengthiness, but I also hope you have enjoyed tapping into my brain a little bit :) And I hope it made sense. Often times, I can't even figure myself out!
I hope you have a blessed and merry Christmas. Take advantage of every moment of every day. Each moment is precious in itself.
Ho, ho, ho :)
Sitting in Barnes & Noble in the Grand Teton Mall in Idaho Falls, Idaho, listening to the CD Bon Iver. Here, take a minute to sample what my ears are currently enjoying :)
("Perth" by Bon Iver)
I know that everyone always says how so much has happened since their last post, and it gets all cliche and what-not, but seriously, SO MUCH has happened since my last post. It has only been 13 days... But I think I mean more of "a lot has happened since the last time I spent time really talking about what has been going on with me."
Anyways. So. School is OUT. But what I great semester I have had :) I managed to maintain a 3.94 GPA (a.k.a. I got only one A-, but I am working on getting that fixed!) and finish the semester strong. Finals were a drag, especially since I was also working a full week, but I put all of my energy into doing well, and I am really proud of myself. That proud-ness really hit me when I found out that because of my grades, I am receiving a full tuition scholarship to BYU Idaho. That is already on top of the quarter tuition scholarship I received for this year, plus the full tuition Pell Grant I received from the Federal Government. I feel so blessed right now.
I have never in my life been so proud of my grades, or myself, for that matter. I don't know why I was given the brain I was given, but I have come to love it so much. Everyday, I find things about myself that I love. What an experience that has been! Over the past 2 years, I went from never saying a good thing about myself, to all of the sudden not having anything bad to say... It has been quite a journey, but I am truly loving life and loving myself. I am grateful for every hard moment I have endured because those moments have shaped me into who I am. No, I am not perfect, and I have a lot of things that I need to work on, but I have never, ever, EVER been so comfortable in my own skin. I don't know why I wasted so many precious years thinking terrible things about myself... Because there are not many feelings that are much sweeter that loving who you are :)
I am currently working at Macy's in the Grand Teton Mall in Idaho Falls, and LOVING it! The hours have been tough lately because of the holidays, but having a job makes me feel like I am really accomplishing things in life. Even though I know I won't be making a career out of Macy's, it really does make my life a little more complete. Maybe because I know how many people in the world right now are suffering because they are not employed... I hear about it all of the time. Part of me feels guilty because I was able to find a job so quickly and be successful in it, while the other part of me feels eternally grateful to be as blessed as I am. This job was only supposed to be a temporary holiday job, but at the last minute, a full-time position opened up and was given to me. As I sit here and count my blessings, my heart swells with joy and gratitude. I get a little choked up (yes, I know I am a cry baby) when I think of all of the directions I could have taken that would have taken me in a completely different direction... I seriously cannot express enough how happy I am to be me, to be where I am, to be who I am, to have the people in my life that I have, to know what I know... I don't know why, but lately, just being ALIVE has brought me so much happiness. The fact that I am alive has never mattered much to me, but dang, what a blessing it is to be alive!!!
With a new job comes new friends... I am so thankful to work with the people I work with :) I have made special new friend who has made an immense impact on my life after only a week... So, we will see where that journey takes me ;)
As I get older, I realize so many new things on a daily basis. For example, the whole "happy to be alive" thing. It's like as you get older, your mental "vision" improves on a daily basis. Or maybe it is just me. But I just feel like my mind is continually expanding, able to take in more information, process new things, see things in a new light, see old things in ways you had never seen then before... Being an adult is difficult sometimes, but I am really loving it :)
The weather in Idaho has been a fun new experience!!!! Repeat after me: "Freeze-off-your-digits, nose-numbing, ear-freezing, car-troubling, roads-freezing, hot-chocolate-needing, blanket-demanding, snot-icicle-ing COOOOOLLLDDDDD!!!!" You truly do not know cold until you have been outside in -13 degree F weather with a -15 degree F windchill... It makes me miss those mild California winters. But, I love it here regardless :) We don't have nearly as much snow now as we should, which I am okay with. Idaho snow is really dry. It makes the road a treacherous disaster! I have never slid through so many intersections in my life!!! Thank goodness they have all been empty side streets... :) I think a trip to the hot springs in in serious order :)
This Christmas season is rather bitter-sweet for me. As I count those blessings I have been talking about, I realize that I am missing a huge blessing... My family. I can not go home for the holidays due to lack of money and having to work. This is the first time I have not spent any Christmas time with my mom and dad, and man, it is not fun :( Especially when I am at work hearing about all of the things people are doing for Christmas with their families... But I know that I will see them again, and I know that I have their love and support in my life. So for that, I am grateful :) I also have a wonderful family that I am staying with for the Christmas break, and I get to spend Christmas with that friend that I enjoy so much :) No matter what, it will be a good day.
This time of year is so full of life and love. Yes, there are many people in the world who do not have it as good as I do, and I am reminded of that almost daily when people tell me how they cannot afford to buy presents for their families or even pay for the necessities in life. Part of me also has such a hard time with what "Christmas" has become. To me Christmas is about being with family and the people I love, and appreciating those I cannot be with. It is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, without whom, life would not be as it is. It is about being grateful for what I have. The commercial Christmas that has been built in American Society often disgusts me... But I try my hardest not to pass judgement. Life is what it is; I can only do what I can to make my life as good as possible, not dwell on the lives of the people around me.
I probably won't post much after today, so I wanted to talk just a little bit about this year that has come and gone. My mom always told me how quickly life seems to pass you by as you get older... I see the truth in her words every year that goes by. Because of the increasing speed that life seems to take on, I try to "grab life by the horns". I really do appreciate every single moment, ever breath, every hurt, every smile, every tear, every laugh... I want to look back on this time of my life with a fond heart. I want to be proud of what I was doing and what I accomplished. This year has helped to shape and solidify me in more ways than I thought possible. As I reflect, I am overwhelmed with emotions. I read an interesting article that I would like to share. It made me really think about life in a new sense. Maybe that is where this new found sense of loving life has come from?
Read it here :)
I'm in a "deep" mood today. Hence, the novel of a post haha. And, if you know me at all, you know that I like to talk. So, I apologize for the lengthiness, but I also hope you have enjoyed tapping into my brain a little bit :) And I hope it made sense. Often times, I can't even figure myself out!
I hope you have a blessed and merry Christmas. Take advantage of every moment of every day. Each moment is precious in itself.
Ho, ho, ho :)
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Expectations (a.k.a. Disapointment).
I'm tired of being disappointed by those around me. It seems like every time I turn around, another lie is being told, another "half-truth" is being said, another twist of the knife...
I hate that I always seem to find out the things I really didn't want to know. I wish I could live in an idealized world where every expectation I had of those around me was always lived up to; a world where no one ever disappointed anyone else. THAT would be such an amazing place to live in.
My heart feels pretty torn right now. Thankfully, I have people in my life to help me, even if those people who do the most healing are the most unexpected... I am so grateful for the people in my life who do not disappoint me. You know who you are :)
I guess I should stop venting and start cramming for finals... Honestly, all I want to do is snuggle into bed, hug my pillow, and listen to my music as the days pass me by.
I hate that I always seem to find out the things I really didn't want to know. I wish I could live in an idealized world where every expectation I had of those around me was always lived up to; a world where no one ever disappointed anyone else. THAT would be such an amazing place to live in.
My heart feels pretty torn right now. Thankfully, I have people in my life to help me, even if those people who do the most healing are the most unexpected... I am so grateful for the people in my life who do not disappoint me. You know who you are :)
I guess I should stop venting and start cramming for finals... Honestly, all I want to do is snuggle into bed, hug my pillow, and listen to my music as the days pass me by.
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