Cool The Engines!

...My mind may just explode here shortly. I seriously don't remember the last time I had sooooo many things to think about! Not to mention, I am the kind of person who absolutely can not shut off her brain!!! Cool the engines, boys!!! This train is about to DE-RAIL.

School started on Tuesday. "Shoooool" = STRESS. I understand that some day, all of the homework and the countless hours spent in school will benefit me more than I know, but holey smokes is it stressful while you are in the middle of it all!!! Chem 101, Calculus, Anatomy & Physiology II, and Book of Mormon now consume my every day. Literally. Every. Single. DAY. I know that I shouldn't complain, because I am so grateful to be in school right now and to be getting such a wonderful education. I also know that if I was not in school, I would be complaining about how ridiculously bored I am... Seems like there is no pleasing me.

My classes are really great so far. I am totally looking forward to making new friends this semester!! J Not to mention, my favorite part of the semester so far... I have a bright pink backpack!!! This is the first backpack I have used since I was in 8th grade, and for some reason, it is totally exciting to me. How can I feel so dissatisfied with things when a silly pink backpack makes me so happy????

Well, me and my pink backpack snagged a job on campus Thursday!!! And what a blessing it has been. I was SO horribly worried with how I was going to maintain a job at Macy's only working 4 hours a week and still pay for the things I need to pay for. I know that this job was an answer to my pleas for help to Heavenly Father. So, I am the new Anatomy & Physiology tutor at BYU-I!!! I am so excited for this job, it is crazy. I love Anat & Phys with a fiery passion, and I am so excited to help people learn!!!

Also, just as I did last semester, I will be teaching cycling twice a week on campus. Boy, am I ready to get back on that bike and teach! I have had none, zero, zilch, nada, NO motivation to work out since classes ended in March... Needless to say, I have been to the gym twice since then... I miss it so much.

Wellllllll, I think I need to get out of my apartment and enjoy this beautiful day we are being blessed with!! Now that I am all ranted out :P (Actually, I could totally rant more, but I am getting tired of reading myself complaining).

Toodles J

Words That The Heart Can't Express.

"Tears are words that the heart can't express."

Story of my life.

School (a.k.a. "shhh-oool") is upon us here at BYU-I, and I have to say, it could not have come at a better time. These next few weeks will be a time of transition, to say the least.

I am seriously contemplating taking a trip to Italy this summer. Or somewhere in Europe. I want to get away so badly... Anybody want to join me? J I have wanted to go to Italy for so long now... And it seems like something I could legitimately do. It would cause me severe financial strain, but I feel like it would be worth it a million times over. So... We will see.

I would love to pack everything I own into a backpack, buy a one-way ticket to Europe, and just GO. Too bad I have a life I have to live. Psh.

I really need to write more. I have gotten into the habit of just bottling up my emotions instead of finding a way to express them... Then, explosion moment occurs, and I find myself a total wreck. I found some great quotes on Pinterest today. One of them really stuck out to me. "People cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long." I really clung to this, because I am definitely a crier. I feel like it is one of the healthiest ways to express any emotion, so I definitely take advantage of it. Crying to me is a sign of strength, not weakness. When you cry, you say "Hey world! Yeah, I am crying, and I am proud to do so, because I am able to accept the fact that life is challenging right now. With each tear that falls, I gain a small drop of strength to pick myself up and move on. You can laugh and mock and do whatever you want, but this broken heart has cried more tears than you could ever imagine, and look how strong those tears have made me!" Which reminds me of yet another quote... "Never be afraid to fall apart, because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along."

Our trials truly do shape us in ways we often don't realize we need shaping. Though it is hard, when trails come, I try my hardest to figure out what positive lesson I can take from the experience. Every cloud has a silver lining, right??

I swear I could type all night. My fingers have a lot to say tonight... Unfortunately, I can not do such a thing. bed calls me. Though, I almost don't want to sleep. Last night was a tossy-turny night full of nightmares. Hopefully, tonight will be better.

Good night world. J I love you!!!

A “Ben & Jerry’s” Kind Of Day…

Yes, that is right. I am currently indulging in Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream and listening to 21 by Adele. Apparently, 1200 calories, 80 grams of fat, and some depressing lovey-dovey music is all I need today. It has just been one of those days… The kind where you absolutely cannot turn off your brain. Which is probably why I am blogging, since it has been almost 2 months since my last post. What better way to vent than to write???? If you can think of anything else (ice cream and music aside) that works, please, let me know. J

Of all the songs on this CD that touches me the most, I think this song takes the cake. I feel like I totally could have written this song at so many points in my life. Including now. Adele has to be one of my favorite artists. I can feel her love for music through her powerful lyrics and melodies... She is incredible. I wish I could share my life with the world as she has done and continues to do. Me, however, I am stuck just blogging out my feelings. That is not to say that I don't enjoy writing, because I really do. I just wish that I could help people in the way I feel that she does... I don't know. Maybe I do???

Anyways. Life. What a handful it is right now. I really want to vent about what is weighing so heavily on my mind, but honestly, it worries me to talk about it. I am afraid that talking to the world about it will just make it that much more real... And then it will hurt even more. L (HEADS UP: If you really don't want to hear someone complain, then mayyyybe you should find another blog haha.) 

I have gained a testimony of something lately that I didn't think I needed to gain a testimony of... Silly me, thinking that I knew everything! I have learned that Heavenly Father puts certain people in our lives to give us HOPE. They may never know of the hope they give us, but we certainly know it, and we know that we will never forget them. Never ever. Even if that person is in our lives for a very limited time, it is an experience we will never forget or want to forget. I have had this happen to me multiple times in my life, but only today did I realize how greatly it impacts my perspective on life. When someone comes into your life and rekindles a fire you didn't know had died, lifts your spirits when you didn't know they were sinking, refreshes your every day when you didn't know that they were cloudy, your life is changed... Guhh, here come the tears. It seems to me that the best lessons I have ever learned have been the ones in which tears have accompanied me along the way. 

I can hardly quiet my brain long enough to collect my thoughts and write. I think I need a nap. 

Well, it is a short post, but it is still a post nonetheless. 

If you are reading this, smile. J Though my heart is a little achey, I am still smiling, because it always feels so good. A smile can brighten someone's day!!!! And the thought of that, in turn, brightens my day.

Happy Sunday!! Remember, the Lord loves you. A whooooooole lot.

 J