The End of A Year-a.

(Get it? Like, "The End of an Era"??? Oh well, I tried.)

Sitting in Barnes & Noble in the Grand Teton Mall in Idaho Falls, Idaho, listening to the CD Bon Iver. Here, take a minute to sample what my ears are currently enjoying :)

("Perth" by Bon Iver)

I know that everyone always says how so much has happened since their last post, and it gets all cliche and what-not, but seriously, SO MUCH has happened since my last post. It has only been 13 days... But I think I mean more of "a lot has happened since the last time I spent time really talking about what has been going on with me."

Anyways. So. School is OUT. But what I great semester I have had :) I managed to maintain a 3.94 GPA (a.k.a. I got only one A-, but I am working on getting that fixed!) and finish the semester strong. Finals were a drag, especially since I was also working a full week, but I put all of my energy into doing well, and I am really proud of myself. That proud-ness really hit me when I found out that because of my grades, I am receiving a full tuition scholarship to BYU Idaho. That is already on top of the quarter tuition scholarship I received for this year, plus the full tuition Pell Grant I received from the Federal Government. I feel so blessed right now.

I have never in my life been so proud of my grades, or myself, for that matter. I don't know why I was given the brain I was given, but I have come to love it so much. Everyday, I find things about myself that I love. What an experience that has been! Over the past 2 years, I went from never saying a good thing about myself, to all of the sudden not having anything bad to say... It has been quite a journey, but I am truly loving life and loving myself. I am grateful for every hard moment I have endured because those moments have shaped me into who I am. No, I am not perfect, and I have a lot of things that I need to work on, but I have never, ever, EVER been so comfortable in my own skin. I don't know why I wasted so many precious years thinking terrible things about myself... Because there are not many feelings that are much sweeter that loving who you are :)

I am currently working at Macy's in the Grand Teton Mall in Idaho Falls, and LOVING it! The hours have been tough lately because of the holidays, but having a job makes me feel like I am really accomplishing things in life. Even though I know I won't be making a career out of Macy's, it really does make my life a little more complete. Maybe because I know how many people in the world right now are suffering because they are not employed... I hear about it all of the time. Part of me feels guilty because I was able to find a job so quickly and be successful in it, while the other part of me feels eternally grateful to be as blessed as I am. This job was only supposed to be a temporary holiday job, but at the last minute, a full-time position opened up and was given to me. As I sit here and count my blessings, my heart swells with joy and gratitude. I get a little choked up (yes, I know I am a cry baby) when I think of all of the directions I could have taken that would have taken me in a completely different direction... I seriously cannot express enough how happy I am to be me, to be where I am, to be who I am, to have the people in my life that I have, to know what I know... I don't know why, but lately, just being ALIVE has brought me so much happiness. The fact that I am alive has never mattered much to me, but dang, what a blessing it is to be alive!!!

With a new job comes new friends... I am so thankful to work with the people I work with :) I have made special new friend who has made an immense impact on my life after only a week... So, we will see where that journey takes me ;)

As I get older, I realize so many new things on a daily basis. For example, the whole "happy to be alive" thing. It's like as you get older, your mental "vision" improves on a daily basis. Or maybe it is just me. But I just feel like my mind is continually expanding, able to take in more information, process new things, see things in a new light, see old things in ways you had never seen then before... Being an adult is difficult sometimes, but I am really loving it :)

The weather in Idaho has been a fun new experience!!!! Repeat after me: "Freeze-off-your-digits, nose-numbing, ear-freezing, car-troubling, roads-freezing, hot-chocolate-needing, blanket-demanding, snot-icicle-ing COOOOOLLLDDDDD!!!!" You truly do not know cold until you have been outside in -13 degree F weather with a -15 degree F windchill... It makes me miss those mild California winters. But, I love it here regardless :) We don't have nearly as much snow now as we should, which I am okay with. Idaho snow is really dry. It makes the road a treacherous disaster! I have never slid through so many intersections in my life!!! Thank goodness they have all been empty side streets... :) I think a trip to the hot springs in in serious order :)

This Christmas season is rather bitter-sweet for me. As I count those blessings I have been talking about, I realize that I am missing a huge blessing... My family. I can not go home for the holidays due to lack of money and having to work. This is the first time I have not spent any Christmas time with my mom and dad, and man, it is not fun :( Especially when I am at work hearing about all of the things people are doing for Christmas with their families... But I know that I will see them again, and I know that I have their love and support in my life. So for that, I am grateful :) I also have a wonderful family that I am staying with for the Christmas break, and I get to spend Christmas with that friend that I enjoy so much :) No matter what, it will be a good day.

This time of year is so full of life and love. Yes, there are many people in the world who do not have it as good as I do, and I am reminded of that almost daily when people tell me how they cannot afford to buy presents for their families or even pay for the necessities in life. Part of me also has such a hard time with what "Christmas" has become. To me Christmas is about being with family and the people I love, and appreciating those I cannot be with. It is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, without whom, life would not be as it is. It is about being grateful for what I have. The commercial Christmas that has been built in American Society often disgusts me... But I try my hardest not to pass judgement. Life is what it is; I can only do what I can to make my life as good as possible, not dwell on the lives of the people around me.

I probably won't post much after today, so I wanted to talk just a little bit about this year that has come and gone. My mom always told me how quickly life seems to pass you by as you get older... I see the truth in her words every year that goes by. Because of the increasing speed that life seems to take on, I try to "grab life by the horns". I really do appreciate every single moment, ever breath, every hurt, every smile, every tear, every laugh... I want to look back on this time of my life with a fond heart. I want to be proud of what I was doing and what I accomplished. This year has helped to shape and solidify me in more ways than I thought possible. As I reflect, I am overwhelmed with emotions. I read an interesting article that I would like to share. It made me really think about life in a new sense. Maybe that is where this new found sense of loving life has come from?

Read it here :)

I'm in a "deep" mood today. Hence, the novel of a post haha. And, if you know me at all, you know that I like to talk. So, I apologize for the lengthiness, but I also hope you have enjoyed tapping into my brain a little bit :) And I hope it made sense. Often times, I can't even figure myself out!

I hope you have a blessed and merry Christmas. Take advantage of every moment of every day. Each moment is precious in itself.

Ho, ho, ho :)